If toddlers could write poetry, this is how it might look…

May 21, 2012

I haven’t laughed out loud from a book this much in ages. And while I wait for my book to arrive (this is one that will definitely live on my coffee table), I downloaded the Kindle version. To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers by Suzanne Weber, contains funny poetry and musings of babies and toddlers if they could talk. Hilarious. Here’s an extract:

Cry Guide

Cry #1: I’m hungry

Cry #2: I’m tired

Cry #3: I have a gas bubble

Cry #4: My diaper needs to be changed

Cry #5: Something scared me

Cry #6: I have an ear infection

Cry #7: I miss you

Cry #8: I have diaper rash

Cry #9: You took away something that was interesting to me

Cry #10: Life is stressing me out and I’m only in Year One

Cry #11: Broccoli tastes like feet

Cry #12: Daddy sang too loud

Cry #13: I miss you

Cry #14: You almost dropped me

Cry #15: It’s too dark

Cry #16: It’s too light

Cry #17: I know you’re never gonna let me get my nose pierced

Cry #18: I’m underestimated

Cry #19: I’m overstimulated

Cry #20: I wish we had a dog

Cry #21: I feel disappointed in you for reasons I’m having trouble articulating

Cry #22: No more DAN ZANES

Cry #23: I poked myself in the eye

Cry #24: Global warming

Cry #25: No reason. I just like fuckin’ with ya

Available from Exclusive Books, Amazon and Kalahari.

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1 Comment

  • Denita

    my 3 year old has #25 perfected!

    May 25, 2012 at 8:16 am Reply
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