“I can’t believe I’m doing this”

June 12, 2012

I’m often writing posts about mothering has changed me, and how I find myself doing things I never thought I’d do. Like going to work with a milk mark on my shirt. And not really minding much. US writer and comedian Jason Good wrote a brilliant piece in Huffington Post  about some of the things parents might find themselves doing in the first five years. Hilarious. What would you add to the list?

  1. Butter a piece of toast while peeing
  2. Brush someone’s teeth against their will.
  3. Blow on food while it’s in someone else’s mouth.
  4. Help someone else blow on food while it’s in someone else’s mouth.
  5. Eat food that’s fallen out of someone else’s mouth.
  6. Eat food you found on the floor.
  7. Eat food you found on the mantle.
  8. Eat candy you found in a shoe.
  9. Visit a psychiatrist.
  10. Wipe somebody’s nose with your bare hand.
  11. Let somebody barf in your bare hand.
  12. Eat baby food.
  13. Blame a fart on a child.
  14. Blame a child’s fart on your spouse.
  15. Get someone dressed while you’re in the shower.
  16. Pass out from blowing up a kiddie pool.
  17. Cut up a grape.
  18. Almost agree to cut up a raisin.
  19. Pretend to enjoy the flavor of a prune.
  20. Ask someone why their hair smells like Gogurt.
  21. Ask someone why their hair smells like your antiperspirant.
  22. Put someone else’s toenail clippings in your pocket.
  23. Let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating a popsicle.
  24. Have someone think you’re amazing at frisbee.
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  • Kerry

    LOVE this!
    Add in:
    Make a tissue finger to dig a ‘bat’ out of someone else’s ‘cave’.
    Use the kitchen sink as a bath.
    Record someone doing something crazy funny, and then show everyone you know but the person you recorded, even when they ask why everyone’s laughing so hard.

    Will add others as they occur…

    June 12, 2012 at 7:12 am Reply
    • Tanya

      I love the tissue finger one! 🙂 In fact, I love all of them

      June 12, 2012 at 7:34 am Reply
  • Penny

    Found myself nodding along. A few more to add:
    Use an earbud to clean out the snot
    Physically holding my child down in the middle of the night while administering vile cough medicine (licking my scars from last night)
    Pick poo up in the garden during potty training
    Open juice/snacks whilst driving
    And so much more…

    June 12, 2012 at 7:29 am Reply
    • Tanya

      Bwahaha – the poo one is hilarious! I’ve only ever picked it from the bath with a spade

      June 12, 2012 at 7:34 am Reply
  • Sue Stuart

    Sitting here giggling at these 🙂

    June 12, 2012 at 8:11 am Reply
  • Sian

    I laughed so hard at these!

    June 12, 2012 at 8:22 am Reply
  • Melanie Pieterkosky

    Carry around dirty “accident” underwear in your handbag, and forget about it! (eww!)
    Put someone elses half sucked sweet or chewed gum in your mouth.
    Leave home with half a slice of peanut butter toast stuck to your pants.
    Say “Look a train!” to complete strangers on the street (forgot that your child wasn’t with you)
    Use parent talk when with adults. I feel very sorry for my friends who are told “woopsy! let’s clean up that spilt juice” in a sing song voice.

    June 12, 2012 at 2:48 pm Reply
    • Tanya

      These are superb, thank you! 🙂

      June 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm Reply

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