Satire news site The Onion recently featured the top parenting trends of 2014, which I’ve included here because they’re really funny, and in one or two cases, not that far from current or foreseeable “trends”.
Here they are:
- Many couples are waiting to announce their pregnancy until after their child has graduated college and become a partner in a successful law firm.
- Mothers are increasingly allowing their newborns to starve to death due to their paralyzing inability to decide between formula and breast milk.
- Many parents are choosing not to learn the gender of their obstetrician.
- More and more parents are using so-called long-term surrogates to not only carry their child to term, but also to raise, care for, and eventually send him or her to college.
- Including a piece of umbilical cord with birth announcements.
- Birthday-themed parties are a fast-growing trend, with parents throwing a party roughly once a year for their child around the time of his or her birth, complete with cake, party hats, and presents.
- A growing contingent of new mothers are choosing to read about the many health benefits of eating placenta before ultimately chickening out.
- As part of the new Infinity Womb trend, women are using a wide range of Lamaze, yoga, and strength-training techniques to forcefully prevent their children from ever leaving their womb, forever protecting them from the harsh realities of the world.
- If you’re not a white, upper-middle-class couple, everything is pretty much the same as last year.