A few weeks ago I went to a great talk/conversation by relationship and intimacy coach Tracy Jacobs. We spoke about intimacy in relationships, why it’s important, how to re-create “connections” in your relationship, and how looking after your pleasure is as important as looking after your partner’s.
I asked Tracy some questions about intimacy, and why it’s so important.
What is a relationship/intimacy coach?
What I do as an intimacy and relationship coach is I focus on helping people to achieve more intimacy, both with themselves and with their partners. I use talk therapy, together with some physical intimacy techniques to assist clients in achieving their goals. I do not have sex with my clients nor do I watch my clients having sex.
What is intimacy, and why is it important in a relationship?
Intimacy is connection. It is connection through sexual connection, through physical activities, through emotional vulnerability and ‘knowing’ each other, spiritual connection and intellectual connection. Sexual intimacy in a relationship is the glue that holds the couple together.
Without it, the couple may function as business partners or close friends. The sexual intimacy is the very component that allow the couple to deal with the stressors of life better. It’s the knowing look across the room at a dinner party about what will happen when the couple get home that night.
Why do you think couples need sex in their relationship?
Besides the health benefits of regular sex, such as lowering blood pressure, helps keep your immune system humming, boosts libido and it counts as exercise, sex in a relationship creates more connection and more sharing. If done consciously, and within a trusting and loving relationship, the couple experience a vulnerability which they reserve for that ‘significant other’ in their life.
What are the main problems you’re seeing in couples with children?
The biggest problems facing couples with children is that life is very busy and that the hours in the day are getting shorter. There seems to be a lot of added financial and social pressure and the couple are battling to find time to connect without the interruptions from the kids, phones, television and work.
I believe that parents should be setting firmer boundaries with their children around bedtime and sleeping space so that the couple are able to allocate more ‘adult’ time to spend together.
What are your top tips for busy parents to find their intimacy?
The top tips for parent today is OUTSOURCE! If your budget allows it, get as much help as you can. If in-laws are not around either, drink wine!
Tracy is a qualified social worker and intimacy coach and a qualified social worker. Her skills include individual and couples counselling, group therapy, family therapy, trauma counselling, divorce mediation and pre-marriage counselling.
Tracy is also a registered practitioner with Intimacy Coaching SA (ICSA). Her services include Individual and/or couple coaching, workshops for women, workshops for men, ‘No-book’ book-clubs, and gay/lesbian workshops. You can contact her here.