I have had many different weights as a 1.73m. I’ve been 90kg, I’ve been 60kg, I’ve been 78kg, I’ve been 68kg. My “lightest” weight in the last decade was at last year’s Two Oceans Marathon, and I was quite happy with what I looked like, even though 60kg me would likely be balking.
Since Two Oceans, my weight has crept up, little by little. It’s happened so slowly that I’ve been able to convince myself that it’s “water retention”, a “faulty scale”, “muscle being built”, and “too much coffee that’s obviously weighing me down”. Another reasoning was: “I”m carrying stress so that’s why I’m weighing more”. I mean, really…. if kilograms were stress, we’d all be obese.
In lockdown, I haven’t been finding happiness in a bag or chips, nor have I have been freeing myself of frustration with a tub of ice cream. Rather, I’ve been eating mindlessly, and I’ve been crafting all the weight-gain and eating lies I’ve ever told myself over the last few years.
Here’s some of the nonsense I sometimes tell myself:
- I’ve run, so I can eat what I want
- The banana bread has margarine, not butter, so it has less fat and it’s okay to eat.
- I ran this morning and did a HIIT class, so I’ve built muscle and burnt kilojoules, so it’s okay to eat half a slice of chocolate cake.
- The pretzels are low in fat, so I’m just going to eat this big packet for lunch.
- I love condensed milk – a few tablespoons here and there won’t hurt.
- I’m pretty sure that the 100g of sweets that I ate weren’t exactly 100g. Manufacturers often put in less than the quantity on the bag.
- I’m stressed, so I’m sure I will burn off the kilojoules quickly.
- I can eat rolls and kitke bread on their own because I’m one of those rare people who don’t get hungry after quick-release carbs.
- I’ll drink all the freezos I want because it’s basically like drinking coffee with a bit of sugar.
- I’ll have another two triangle of the large Toblerone because they’re not so big.
And so it goes…
I’ve known I’ve put on weight, but I didn’t want to weigh myself because my scales aren’t calibrated properly (haha, another lie). I also told myself that I’m healthy and exercising (sometimes twice a day), so who cares what I weigh?
My running has been so slow, and I know why – it’s because I’m running with several extra potato sacks. The other day I was doing star jumps, and I could hear the sound of my stomach rolls flapping against each other (I wish I were joking or exaggerating, but I’m not). I also caught a reflection of my body in a shop window, and I 100% thought I was looking at someone else’s thighs. When I realised they were mine, I swiftly turned around and moved my wobbly legs ahead.
My turning point came a few days ago when I got on the scale, and then my second scale (just in case the first one is faulty), and saw a number that I saw way back, a number I associate with “old me”, and not “new me” – a marathon runner.
I knew I needed help, and I knew I needed something different. I’ve successfully lost weight through dietitians, coaching groups and even an app called FatSecret. But then I signed up to JEFF Fitness Programme one-on-one training. I’ve seen some exceptional results from their programme, and there’s nowhere to hide. You get a coach who will know all about you – your strengths and your weaknesses.
You have to send pictures of your meals, and your exercise stats after workouts. I’m basically inviting someone into my head, kitchen, dining room and exercise space, and I’m a bit nervous (what if my coach judges me?) and excited (what if I achieve great results, and my coach shares my before and after pics to inspire others?).
I’m sharing my current pictures that will hopefully soon become my “before” pictures. It’s not easy seeing myself so “far” from where I’ve been before, but the only way out is through…