I haven’t laughed out loud from a book this much in ages. And while I wait for my book to arrive (this is one that will definitely live on my coffee table), I downloaded the Kindle version. To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers by Suzanne Weber, contains funny poetry and musings of babies and toddlers if they could talk. Hilarious. Here’s an extract:
Cry Guide
Cry #1: I’m hungry
Cry #2: I’m tired
Cry #3: I have a gas bubble
Cry #4: My diaper needs to be changed
Cry #5: Something scared me
Cry #6: I have an ear infection
Cry #7: I miss you
Cry #8: I have diaper rash
Cry #9: You took away something that was interesting to me
Cry #10: Life is stressing me out and I’m only in Year One
Cry #11: Broccoli tastes like feet
Cry #12: Daddy sang too loud
Cry #13: I miss you
Cry #14: You almost dropped me
Cry #15: It’s too dark
Cry #16: It’s too light
Cry #17: I know you’re never gonna let me get my nose pierced
Cry #18: I’m underestimated
Cry #19: I’m overstimulated
Cry #20: I wish we had a dog
Cry #21: I feel disappointed in you for reasons I’m having trouble articulating
Cry #22: No more DAN ZANES
Cry #23: I poked myself in the eye
Cry #24: Global warming
Cry #25: No reason. I just like fuckin’ with ya
Available from Exclusive Books, Amazon and Kalahari.
